Compassion: The Hidden Presence

Then he is of those who believe and charge one another to show patience, and charge one another to show compassion. (1)

At times in life we all experience levels of distress. To this we receive pity, sympathy, empathy, compassion. They are the human responses that come up by our misfortunes from those we encounter. And each feels different when received. Each has a different effect on those who are suffering in the midst of spiritual or physical crisis.

Of the four, compassion has a special quality, a quality so different from the rest that it connotes a certain spiritual as well as emotional characteristic. Perhaps for this reason it is often cited in both the Quran and collections of ahadith as a virtue to be sought and developed.

The recipient of compassion feels its superiority immediately. Unlike pity, it has no haughtiness. Unlike empathy, it does not require a similar experience on the part of the giver. And while sympathy is a wonderful virtue, it connotes less free-spiritedness and variety than compassion; one would not normally associate laughter or frivolity with sympathy, for example. And there is also a certain distance or separation inherent in sympathy, one sympathizes with the other. A very wonderful quality, still, sympathy stands at a different level than compassion.

While sympathy is a tender response to misfortune, compassion is a way of life.

The dictionary offers the following etymological meaning for the word compassion:

compassiōn-, from compassus, past participle of compatī, to sympathize : Latin com-, com- + Latin patī, to suffer (2)

But there is another modern definition, one that does not limit compassion as a response to suffering, but rather to life itself, making it a quality that one would live with in every situation, with every person, rather than only with one who is in distress.

Com-passion: Com (with) - passion (strong feeling, enthusiasm); to be with another in strong feeling and with enthusiasm.

Compassion, does not require sadness, sorrow or even the desire to help, though it could include all these things. It simply means being fully present with someone no matter the circumstances of his or her life. Compassion suspends judgment and takes each circumstance equally -- each as a moment of life to be lived in its fullness. It . All possible emotions and feelings and behaviours of which we are capable are inherent in every moment, in every circumstance.

And so, compassion comes with no bias. It has no attitudes. It has no special face or tone of voice. It is not bound by rules of behaviour, civility, expectations, though it may be guided by all of these things.

Compassion is prepared to meet others wherever they are, recognizing that the circumstance or challenge they now face is as much a part of their life as any other part of their life. Compassion can laugh or cry, joke or console, be curious and inquisitive, talkative or silent. Compassion is not afraid to be fully present, hopeful, or lighthearted. Compassion does not turn away. It is never afraid to see beauty or find humour or share a broken heart.

Compassion contains no pity because it does not judge one circumstance of life as better as or worse than the next. For it comes from a place in which all things are from the divine decree of Allah (swt), presented to us to be lived to its completion.

Compassion is not constricted by rules because it recognizes the uniqueness of each instant and each person. As compassion opens the door to visit the sick, it has no idea what lies ahead and so is prepared for spontaneity, for the unexpected -- whether from the patient or from itself.

Compassion creates its own result. As it interacts with the other, a new thing happens, because compassion is prepared to yield to whatever happens next, always with the other in mind.

Compassion is a spiritual quality often written about but rarely found. Because to have compassion means to have full acceptance of each circumstance in life. And this is very difficult to achieve. Thus, those who have compassion are usually those who have a great deal of varied experience and self exploration in their own lives. They have suffered, they have struggled with their own shaytan, they have met and known such a wide variety of people and touched the humanity in each of them in so many different situations that they can no longer judge and reject, neither person nor circumstance. They have come to realize that life offers what it offers and that each of us is all of us. The Prophet Muhammad (saws) said: No man loves another for God's sake without his Lord honouring him. (3)

And that is what compassion gives us. In offering compassion, with kindness and goodness. And because of this compassion is never a burden to whom it is directed. Compassion is always welcome. It relieves the sick or bereaved from the need to care for the visitor. It relieves the one who is burdened from the added burden of being a source of burden to the other. For compassion comes simply to say hello, to be a companion in whatever circumstance presents itself. Compassion has come to simply listen or laugh, to accompany whatever is taking place without expectation or the need to make things better. Because compassion believes that things are as they are meant to be. And it believes that all circumstance can be shared. Thus, compassion, when it enters, usually banishes loneliness, and if not, it accompanies the lonely in their solitude.

Anas reported that The Prophet (saws) did not enter the house of any woman except that of his wives and that of Umm Sulaim. He used to visit her. It was said to him why it was so, whereupon he said: I feel great compassion for her. Her brother was killed while he was with me. (4)

Compassion can sit with the dying in silence, or with one giving birth, marveling equally in the miracle taking place. Compassion can join in suffering, accepting pain as a part of life. Compassion can jump into action, if action is called for and desired. Compassion can give to the poor or help heal the sick, without judgment or lack of respect.

And if ever you are fortunate enough to be in the presence of compassion, you will barely notice it, so natural does it seem -- as natural as the hidden presence of Allah (swt), noticeable only if you look.


Footnote
1) 90.16
2) http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/compassion
3) Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1301
4) Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6010